1 ✻ I.... don't want a lot for Christmas [Action/Text]

[weaponry]

[ A - Action. Morning. Tenten, Ino and Riku's apartment. ]

[ And, so it's Christmas. After a valiant struggle with elves, their ridiculous requests and their oddly judgmental and hypocritical methods, Tenten is left with a single gift. She wasn't sure if she was naughty or nice, because she kinda broke even with them or compromised, but, she did get a gift. She hastily unwrapped it, hoping it'd be a brand new swiss army weapon.

She did not get the swiss army weapon. Her mouth drops the floor quicker than a bunch of kids after an ice cream truck. She shrieks. In her hands is one, giant portrait of Guy-sensei, in really tight green spandex. He mimics a famous pose, and there's a similar message adorned on the picture. However, it states "I WANT YOU.....TO BE MORE YOUTHFUL". She stares at it in horror. Had she not been nice enough? Did her previous aids of babysitting children during the draft go unnoticed? All of these questions where swirling around her head as she took a breath out and accepted her fate as naughty. ]

[ B - Action. Morning. Community housing one, floor four's hallway ]

[ Well, residents (or passer-bys) of complex 1, four floor apartment can see the picture of Uncle Sam Guy-sensei in skin strangling green spandex with the command that "I WANT YOU.....TO BE MORE YOUTHFUL" hung on the end of the hall, right above the entrance to the kitchen. His eyes seem to follow around the looker, making for quite an unsettling portrait. Yeah. Tenten can be seen staring at it from her door, her mouth still agape in horror. ]

[ C - Action. Morning - Later Afternoon. Library. ]

[ Maybe there was a mistake in the system. There had to be a mistake, right? Tenten, dawned in her Christmas Outfit, which is actually the only article of clothing she has available, per the elf's ridiculous request, marches her way to the library. You're free to encounter her on the way there, but it looks like she's on a mission as she madly mutters about tight green spandex and youthfulness.

You can catch Tenten at the library reading an army of books about Santa. She seems to have multiple notes on a nearby piece of paper. Some of which read the obviously helpful, "WEARS RED SUIT", "HEAVY SET AND JOLLY", "HAS DISEASED REINDEER?", "HAS CONNECTIONS TO COAL", and, "ELVES? CREEPY, AND SIMILAR LOOKING BY GENETICS?" and other types of brief, unintentionally hilarious, notes. A couple of times, she gazes to her notes and talks about how something just doesn't make sense, but, for the most part, she's pretty enveloped in her studies about the jolly old man. ]

[ D - Text. Evening. ]

Question, how can Santa make it down a chimney if he obviously can't fit down there, given numerous depictions? How about homes that don't have chimneys? Do the elves take into a general account of your behavior, or just your behavior during Christmas time?

[ Someone is taking this way too seriously. ]

Comments

[screw_fate]

...Bacon?

[Are you sure about that part, Tenten? He's not.]

I was thinking fish. The shop usually has some.

[weaponry]

I thought everyone likes bacon! [ Including kittens. ]

Fish is good. Kittens love meat, you know.

[screw_fate]

I was aware of that much, at least.

[And he considers the point.]

Monks probably don't love bacon. Most of them are vegetarian, aren't they?

Sorry for the brief delay! I just had my wisdom teeth extracted!

[weaponry]

Well, the only monks we've met are ones that live boring lives. It makes sense if they don't like bacon! I think they like bacon, they're just forbidden to eat it! It's kinda like Orochimaru and Sasuke's body. He loves it, but he just can't get it. [ Neji you may either laugh or scowl or throw up a little in your mouth. ]

So how high are you? XD

[screw_fate]

[... What.]

I'm going to pretend you didn't make that comparison.

I'm not officer at all, high!

[weaponry]

Well, it made sense Neji! You opened yourself up for it!

Not even a little

[screw_fate]

It's still not something I'd care to contemplate at any time.

nope. not even a little

[weaponry]

So? It doesn't have to be anything more than a passing thought.

[screw_fate]

I'd prefer it to be not even that.

[And very deliberately changing the subject...]

So this kitten. I suppose she needs a name.

[weaponry]

Hmm. It should be something that means a lot to you personally, you know? A word or a name, that encompasses your life meaning to you all in one cute package!

[ She has it! ]

It should be named, Independence!

[screw_fate]

Independence?

It's a bit of a mouthful for a kitten.

[But the idea is sound, and he considers it.]

I'll have to think about it. But it isn't a bad idea...

[weaponry]

Yeah! It might be a little long, but I guess that means you can nickname her Indi or something for short! [ His cat will be the most hipster cat in the world just wait for it. ]

[screw_fate]

[Neji will never be scruffy enough to be a hipster. He's too pretty for that. And his cat will naturally be the same.]

Perhaps.

Cats certainly are independent creatures.

[weaponry]

They are. Remember that one cat we had to find and rescue in the woods like, eight times? It never gave up on trying to be free. [ Kinda like Neji after the Chuunin Exams. ]

[screw_fate]

[Only Neji's arguably the less violent of the two.]

Oh, I think we all remember that cat. [He's just going to groan at that.]</small< I'm pretty sure Lee still has scars.

[weaponry]

You're right, Neji. We should remember the cat. [ She sighs. ] We only ended up catching it because it kept on speeding right between Lee's legs and I decided to just trap the thing against Guy-sensei's and the client's wishes with your tracking skills and my wire. [ And then they had to repeat that. Like fourteen times. ]

Do you think he wears the weights to make sure the scars are never revealed? It'd be pretty humiliating to admit you got all of those from a cat.

[screw_fate]

If I were him, I might.

[He snorts, shaking his head.]

If you ask me, the cat was let out on purpose, as a training tool. Or as a way to get genin to seek promotion as soon as they could.

[weaponry]

You really think it was let out on purpose, Neji? I don't. [ Her life used to be so productive off screen at least. Now she just spends her time debating about things that she used to experience! ] It had some real disdain for that lady, enough that it's resilience and determination was commended by Guy-sensei. That said, I'm really glad he didn't offer it a slot on our team. We'd probably look the most battleworn in Konoha if that happened. [ She hates that freaking cat! ]

[screw_fate]

If it came to our care, I would have let it go free and said to hell with it. [Not to put too fine a point on it or anything.] The creature wanted nothing to do with humans. Not that I could blame it.

And what pet owner would be that negligent? We must have gone after it a dozen times ourselves, and every other team did the same. You'd think after a while...

[weaponry]

I don't know. It just seemed like it didn't want to be smothered. I'm sure if we gave it some space, it wouldn't exactly mind its life. [ Just saying. ]

I agree that there should have been some serious implements to prevent the cat from escaping again but I think her husband was busy with other stuff. He is the Daimyo after all.

[screw_fate]

After however many years of being chased by genin, I doubt it would settle if given anything less than total freedom -- and good luck to it on that count.

Her husband might have been, but they had a small army of servants. Surely a couple of them could have devised something functional.

[weaponry]

Really? Before Naruto was sent home, she was here as Naruto's pet. [ Saying that for extra emphasis because Jesus Christ another poor decision by the Malnosso. ] She disappeared after he left, but, she was kinda complacent with just staying inside as long as she was given the basics and not given too much attention. Of course, she also bounced the hell out of there as soon as she could the first couple of times.

Eh, well, it's not like her husband has made any decisions that could actually be of use. [ She's cynical about him and his helpfulness tbh. ]

[screw_fate]

Was she? [Okay, so maybe he never set foot in Naruto's apartment. Maybe.] I hadn't noticed.

[And he snorts at the mention of the Daimyo.]

So long as he stays out of the way and keeps the missions coming.

[weaponry]

I don't think you were here at the same time as Naruto. [ So of course he wouldn't notice. ]

I think Tsunade-sama takes care of the missions anyways. I mean, even the Daimyo said she is a great hokage! [ I mean, that girl has had more shit to deal with than the rest of the kages combined. ]

[screw_fate]

I was. [And kept running into Naruto while SnJ'd. That was awkward.]

Tsunade-sama is a great Hokage. That the Daimyou is able to see it is fortunate. [And if he couldn't, then he'd be a fool.]